R's Reverse Culture Shock

Awkward! Awkward! Really awkward!

In December 2009, on the mention of Reverse culture shock, R said, "Are you serious! What the hell... that is HOME. I will be absolutely fine. I have lived 80% of my life there okay! There is no way one can feel like a misfit in one's own place filled with one's own people. RCS does not exist!" And guess what happened after that... R went HOME.

She came running back to her pseudo nest by March 2010.

It is absolutely curious how one completely rules out the possibility of reverse culture shock before actually facing it. Returning to one's home culture after getting completely accustomed to a different culture is an unexpected blow. It is surprisingly tough to manage. On the other hand, the actual "culture shock" is much more tamable and feasible to handle because of the heavy information exchange that happens on the world wide web these days. People are much more prepared in this aspect and they put in the extra effort to learn about the new culture prior to their travel. Whereas RCS can catch one completely off guard!


Having faced RCS first hand, I can tell... it is a dreadful feeling. I wonder why?

Not too long ago, I came to the US completely aware that I will go back to my real home in India soon. Right from the beginning, I have maneuvered my brain to believe that 2010 is the year. In spite of all this preparation, my first attempt at moving back in end 2009 has not been that successful. It is true that I came back to the US these couple of months for a different reason, but I cannot say that RCS did not affect my decision. There was not a single day when I did not think, "If it were in the US..." [I made sure not to voice this aloud day in and day out because I know the kind of fun made out of such statements and I'm in no way the victim of such jokes.] There were nights where I sat up with the urge to take a flight the first thing next morning. It was a rough patch and it is so not fair to pin point reasons behind this situation. There are way too many factors: open-mindedness, interests, procedures, transport, communication channels, etc, etc. Different country... different people. It just happens!

The 'visiting home' experience is so different from 'going back to live in your home' experience. I wonder why?

When visiting, one knows for sure that it is not permanent and that after the vacation everything just goes back to normal. Thus making one extremely comfortable about whatever happens during the visit. Also, the visiting party is always the star of the show. They get to do everything their way because they are 'guests' for all practical purposes. But when one goes back to live, it is a whole different story. We try to reconnect to our old persona and feel of things we had earlier and boy... that simply doesn't fit. Probably, the society outgrows the old perspective long before we realize it did. It definitely takes time to adjust the mindset and fine tune it to the current frequency of the new home environment. Re-adapting takes much longer and much more effort. [No wonder my cousins settled in the US, only want to visit but not go back home ;) ]

Nobody seems to understand. I wonder why?

Now this is the dominant of all other effects faced during RCS. People! When you go abroad, native people know you are a foreigner and they understand your disorientation and try to help you out. That is completely absent when you are dealing with RCS. Nobody thinks you would need any help. Even worse, you are expected to know everything because you 'look' like you fit there, ruling out any chance of sympathy during your RCS phase. Life doesn't stop when you are away and though the changes in your family and friends are subtle, the point to note is that people do change. Exposure to another culture heightens your open-mindedness, liberal thinking and cross cultural opinions, which might not be accepted by people back home, making you look like a total misfit. It is frustrating but quite natural. One needs to give time to oneself and people around for everything to fall in place.

Though vanquished by RCS once, I'm giving another go at this in two more weeks. A lot more prepared this time. [Lot scared deep inside! ;) But that is a different thing.] Life flows with different rhythms at different places. I just need to catch the rhythm and fall back into it in Hyderabad and thatz it... I'll be all set!

PS: Be kind to me Hyderabadis... I'm back there for good!

Reset

What has happened to me!? I feel a huge change in myself... unexplainable!

I feel like I lost a childhood toy … but surely, I have the memory of the person who gave me that gift with unconditional love.
I feel like I lost the privileges and fantasies of childhood … but I know that I had the opportunity of growing and living free.
I feel as if I miss someone… and I have realized... that it is an innocent little ME that I miss!

I'm gradually loosing my innocence, my ignorance, my carefree attitude, et al. I lost many things many times in my life. But in all that “loss”, today I aspire for the value of “gain”, because I'm growing up... because I now know that it is always possible to fight for that which we love; and because I now know that there is always time to start all over again. May be this metamorphic change in my thought process is all for my good. May be I'd do better if I accept this now than push it off for a later point of time. It is indeed time of realization so I better buck up and RESET!

Reset - it is renewing the hopes in life; and more importantly, it is believing in oneself.

Today is an excellent day to start a new life project. Today, I want to see where I want to go? I want to look higher, dream higher, desire the best! Life brings us what we aspire and that is where I am headed. If we stay on the positive and we strive for it; the best will come in our lives.

Today is the great mental cleaning day. I'm gonna throw away all that binds me to the unsatisfactoy past; all that hurts me. I'll discard everything into garbage; clean my mind and prepare it for my new destination; for I am passionate. We, as humans are capable of hoping many times because we are the manifestation of hope.

I am all set! Lifez calling me to a new adventure, a new journey, a new challenge. Today, I promise myself, that I'll do anything possible to achieve my objectives. I'll trust in life and trust in myself for once.

God did design us with a little button called 'Reset'... We just need a pin-prick! and I just got mine!

Party Maami

Strong wind blew onto my face... What a windy day! Though it looks sunny and pleasant, I'd rather stay indoors to get away from the chilly winds. Anyways, such an awesome outfit a saree makes! Wow... I love the color too. Deep yellowish orange. But imagine managing a saree, out on a windy day and that too with my hair flying in all directions! Thank god! it was matter of just 2 mins between the parking lot and the entrance of the hall. I quickly hurried into the hall looking out for a restroom to set my flying hair straight. Once I set everything right, I came back into the lobby where my husband was waiting for me. Then we entered the Party hall!

Midhun's ex-colleague had a son recently and they planned on celebrating 'Annaprasana' for their son on this particular weekend. We were invited 10 days in advance and so were others!

I entered the hall with lot of joy, energy and gala and it took me less than 30 secs to put a blank face! And so was the hall - blank! At one corner I found the father of the child on phone and directing a couple of youngsters to do some decoration. These youngsters were using all their creative grey cells to do the job. At another remote corner were the child's maternal and paternal grandfathers, heartily having a conversation probably about their good ol' times. As soon as the host realized that we are in, he warmly welcomed us. Midhun with all his brilliance went and greeted him and I followed suite. After 'Hellos' and 'How are yous?' the host calls up his house to hurry the ladies up to bring the hero of the show - the Kid. He then whispers gently to both of us in a matter-of-factly tone "Generally here in NJ, all the guests show up atleast one hour later than the time mentioned in the invite!". We looked at each other and sneered, partly because we were bewildered and partly because we were embarrassed. However, we spoke and sat together for some time and then Midhun went and introduced himself to the senior folk there. He immediately engaged them in a hearty conversation regarding their village, politics, news and all possible topics under the sun. I was sitting there watching the colorful decorative items they had brought and anticipating to see the child soon.

Meanwhile another family of early birds had entered. Visibly Tamil! They too spoke to the host initially just as we did. They had a son, about 7 - 8 year old running around the place and having fun. Little later, the lady came and joined me at my table. I would have started the conversation but she seemed to be more curious. Before I said anything she asked me "Are you newly married?". Initially I was surprised at the question because that is not what a stranger would first ask me and secondly, what should be my answer? Me and Midhun have been married 8 months then... would that still qualify as newly married!? I wasn't so sure how to define 'newly married' at that point of time. So I simply said "Yes." She gave a typical 'aunty'ish smirk and said, "Only newly married couples come to parties on time!" and she started laughing slightly. I didn't know what I should react like so I just gave a very hesitant smile to her. She went on and told me about her first party experience after wedding, which was a birthday party where they were invited at 12 noon. The hall was booked between 12noon and 2:30pm. She and her husband went at sharp 12 and rest of the crowd came at 2pm. They then hurriedly cut the cake & quickly had lunch and everyone dispersed by 2:30pm. So thatz when she thought she'd never go early to parties! Today unfortunately they have to leave early because of some other appointment and thatz the reason she came here this early!

She then suddenly asked, "Are you planning for kids?". Bouncer!!! But the answer was out of my mouth even before I realized I was actually answering it!
R: "Not now. Not anytime soon!"
M: "Oh ya! You guys are recently married right! But I think you should go for kids before you start working fulltime. That is the best for you. Else once you start working you need to take a break again. So you have kids now so that you can work continuously later without breaks."
R: "mmm" (helpless smile!)
M: "And also let me tell you this... for first kid it is very easy. Everything happens very easily. But for second one it is very difficult."
R: "So, are you planning for the second kid?" (the most idiotic question I ever asked!!!)
M: "No... actually we tried a lot few years back. Now we stopped!!"
I did not know what I should be telling / reacting / where I should be putting my head!! I went into the blank mode to save any further rapport.
M: "So what does your husband do? .... blah blah... ta ta taaa... te te te..."

And her questions firing session continued. I wasn't obliged to giving her all that she wants to know but she never stopped asking me 'bouncers'! At one point of time her kid asked what the time was and very unscrupulously she pulled my hand to look at my watch. Man! some decency is required here! You don't pull a person's hand to see the time, especially not when you are talking with someone for the first time and that too in someone else's party! One curious maami she was! Our dialogue broke only when the star of the day entered. The child! Meanwhile some more people had come and all the aunties flocked around 'Krishna'.

Finally, I got to meet more people and more kids and had real good time there. Looking forward to more of such interesting parties, to meet more maamis and to get to know pulse of the society :)

As it stands

I have been neglecting my blog for a while now. Truth is, I am really busy with my life. After a hectic day in the office, all I want is a peaceful evening. So what's happening in my life at the moment? To start with...

My life has shifted to high gears for the past two months. Between juggling work and home, I rarely get a chance to sit down and blog. Those previous posts that you read were written during those few minutes that I stole between office and family. Yes, it can be very tiring when my day is jam packed with activities. But towards the end, there is a great sense of gratification knowing that my time was well spent. Probably, in the eyes of my friends, I have disappeared from their radar. My only visible mode is when I am online but I hardly reply to their messages. For that, I must say sorry to them. Believe me when I say that every morning looking into the mirror to see myself is a bonus for me.

Living life to the fullest. How many times we have heard that statement before? I don't know about you, but I am making every minute of my life count at the moments now. Having the time to relax and blog about thoughts is a luxury I can't afford to have daily. But I am not complaining. On the contrary, I am enjoying it. Somehow, I get the gratification knowing that I had a productive day. Imagine waking up every morning, going to office, cooking, cleaning, washing, groceries, browsing, shopping, arranging, et al. It is tiring. But at the end of the day, once the dust has settled, I can truly appreciate life at a slower pace.

Lately, I have become a major fan of Age of Empires III - The Asian Dynasties. It is a wonderful game. Even between all the work chaos, I take time out for a game of AOE - Thanks to Midhun! I really enjoy this part of the day where I get some family time. Playing a game of TT with Midhun or that of poker with Bavagaru is such a feel good thing! Stress reliever possibly. Activity has been all around me always but may be I'm really working my butt out these days :D

So if you excuse me, I want to take the rest of my day in 'screensaver' mode.

Meaning of life!

It feels so good to be sitting down and reflecting on the events that have unravelled lately. What seemed like a rollercoaster ride, finally put me on a high note at the end of the day. Yes! I am talking about my nuptial life.

Life's good! No.. no.. this is no LG ad! Life is really good. Shows you everything you see! Being married now, I realize what it is to be a better half of someone. Back at college I remember one of my professors say this, "When two individuals do some project together at work what we should be looking at, is the result or outcome but when we talk out-of-work, what matters is the process of doing it together, no matter what the outcome is." This is something I can vouch for! Living with a person you love and together doing things you love to do is all one would ever call a happy living. With my husband, I'm living very happily!

Soon after our wedding ceremony, we suddenly had so many things to do in so less time! Nonetheless we escaped from everyone and everything for a big 5 days. C'mon now... we are married! And then there were rest of the ceremonies and rituals that had taken place. We also had to visit many pilgrimages to convey our thankfulness to the almighty, which we did. Apart from all this traveling, we also had to go meet relatives and go for our Visas. What a time crunch! Between all this, I got to know Midhun more closely. Now I'm with him every passing minute. The way he does things, the way he talks to everyone, the way he makes people happy... Wow~ I'm amazed at my selection and I'm so proud of it!

He never let me miss my family... my people. He took real good care of me. I know that my mom, dad and sis are not going to take it easily that I'm not going to stay with them then on. They obviously miss me and deep within, I do too. It wasn't so easy for me to move on too inspite of having another big family for myself but for them... it was rough! This rough!

We then flew to the US. Started our brand new life together with just the two of us... and believe me... this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm all by myself now! I take decisions on how things have to work around me. Suddenly, I'm the big shot of my town! Felt extremely good. This is the world of our own now. We, Radhika, Tharun, friends et al. I started working the very next week I came here... all for good! I would've got mad sitting idle.

And lo... here it is... my busy little life buzzing with activity, fun, joy, happiness!

I do!

Marriage! - the institution. Those were the days when my perception of marriage was something close to two-people-staying-in-one-house kinda deal. And now o'course... lots has changed in my basket! I'm on a new plain of living... discovering an unseen dimension. A new life... MY LIFE! In the process of growing up... I thought marriage was a compromise between two people on everything happening in each of their routines. Thanks to the filmdom I even thought that marriage is disastrous because it is impossible for two strangers to suddenly start living together as a family.

Naaah... Life ain't that harsh at you. You just need pick the right one! A true union is that of hearts and that of discovering what two individuals mean to each other. Understanding that the other person's happiness and sadness are now bonded with yours and that shouldering responsibilities together sincerely and faithfully is the essence of joyous living... makes a union more meaningful. The performance of series of rites and rituals is only an approval of the elders, the society and the divine, to accept the matrimonial union of the couple. The event of taking charge of an important office is essentially associated with an oath-taking ceremony. And so it happened when I took charge as Midhun's WIFE.

In presence of divine nature as witness, happened the amalgamation of our personalities on the 29th of August in world's most beautiful location. And there... our lives' big task of finding a true loyal companion was finally accomplished. We experienced a satisfaction that simply can't dwell in mere assembly of words. We bound it securely with these oaths of union from the Hindu culture.

MIDHUN'S OATHS:

1- DHARMA PATNEE MILITWAIVA, HYEKAM JEEVANAMAAVAYOH.
ADYAARABHYA YATO ME TWAMARDDHANGINEETI GHOSHITAA.
From this moment, declaring the bride as my better-half and amalgamating my personality with that of my wife, I am creating a new living entity. I shall take as much care of my wife, as I do for parts of my own body.

2- SWEEKAROMI SUKHEN TWAAM, RIHLAKSHMI MAHANTATAH.
MANATRAYITWAA VIDHAASYAAMI, SUKAARYAANI TWAYAASAH.
I am happily handing over the significant authority for financial management of my household to my wife promise to consider her views and suggestions in all of life significant.

3- ROOP SWAASTHYA SWABHAANTU, GUNADOSHAADEEN SARVATAH.
ROGAAGYAAN VIKAARAASHCHA, TAVA VISMRITYACHETASAH.
I shall not develop or nurture any aversion towards my wife on account of conditions related to her appearance, beauty, health, natural traits, disease or mistakes due to her ignorance. Nor shall I express discontentment in this context. I shall also maintain a cordial relationship with her by either patiently and lovingly making attempts for improvement in any shortcomings in her or make adjustments otherwise.

4- SAHACHARO BHAVISHYAAMI, POORNA SNEHAM PRADAAITE.
SATYATAA MAM NISHTHAA CHA, YASYAADHAARAM BHAVISHYATI.
I shall always be a close friend of my wife and also show maximum possible affection to her. I shall follow this pledge faithfully in letter and spirit.

5- YATHAA PAVITRA CHITTEN, PAATIVRATYAM DHRITAM VRATAM.
TATHAIV PALAYISHYAAMI, PATNIVRAT MAHAM DHRUVAM.
I shall strictly follow the codes of behavior specified for a husband in reciprocation of those made for a wife. I shall neither think of nor indulge in adultery.

6- GRIHASYAARTHA VYAVASTHAAYAAM, MANTRAYITWAA TWAYAA SAH.
SANCHAALANAM KARISHYAAMI, GRIHASTHOCHIT JEEVANAM.
In domestic matters, I shall let my wife have upper hand and adopt a life-style becoming of an ideal householder by making a family budget in consultation with my spouse.

7- SAMRIDDHI SUKH SHAANTINAAM, RAKSHANAAI TATHAA TAV.
VYAVASTHAAM SANKARISHYAAMI, SWA SHAKTI VAIBHAVAADIBHIIHI.
I shall faithfully utilize my strength and resources in making arrangements for pleasure, peace, progress and protection of my wife.

8- YATNASHEELO BHAVISHYAAMI, SANMAARG SEVITUM SADAA.
AAVAYOH MATBHEDAANSHCHA, DOSHAANSAN SHODHYA SHAANTTTAH.
I shall unilaterally make every possible effort to keep my own behavior towards my wife exemplary and resolve all differences and mistakes peacefully. I shall neither blame, insult nor ignore my wife in the company of other persons.

9- DEVAGNI SANMANUSHYAANAAM, SAANNIDHYE KRITANISHCHAYAH.
TWAAM PRATYAHAM BHAVISHYAAMI, SAHISHNUHU MRIDULASTATHAA.
With the divine powers, sacred fire and gentleman as witness, I take a pledge to be tolerant and soft spoken with my wife.

10-BHAVATYAAMASAMARTHAAYAAM, VIMUKHAA YAANCHA KARMANI.
VISHWAASAM SAHYOGANCH, MAM PRAAPASYASI TWAM SADAA.
I give an assurance that even in the event of my wife becoming infirm, invalid or finding her indifferent towards her responsibilities due to some reason, I shall not deviate in the least from my own responsibilities and continue to extend my cooperation to her.

11-MADHURAA PREM SANYUKTAAM, VAARTAA SATYAVYAVHRITIM.
DRIDHAM PATNIVRATMEKAM VACHO ME TAV SANNIDHAU.
I pledge to remain sweet and affectionate during conversation with my wife and in course of my behavior with her. I also promise to be strictly faithful to her.

RAMYA'S OATHS:

1- SWAJEEVANAM MELAYITWAA, BHAVATAH KHALU JEEVANE.
BHOOTWAA CHAARDHAANGINEE NITYAM, VASISHYAAMI GRIHE SADAA.
Amalgamating my life-style with that of my husband, I shall create a new entity of human existence. In this way I shall always be living as his true better-half (Ardhangini)

2- SHISHTATAA POORVAKAM SARVAIH, PARIWAAR JANAIH SAH.
AUDAARYEN VIDHAASYAAMI VYAVAHAARAM CHA KOMALAM.
I shall always consider all friends and members of my husband's family as integrated units of one system, maintain cordial relationship with all of them, serve them open heartedly and behave with them sweetly.

3- TYAKTVALASYAM KARISHYAAMI, GRIHKARYE PARISHRAMAM.
BHARTURHARSHAM HI GYAASYAAMI, SWEEYAAMEV PRASANNATAM.
Resisting indolence, I shall perform domestic chores laboriously. In this way, I shall extend appropriate cooperation to my husband in his progress and betterment of standard of living.

4- SHRADDHAYAA PAALAYISIIYAAMI, DHARMAM PAATIVRATAM PARAM.
SARVADAIVAANUKOOLYEN, PATYURAADESHAPAALIKA.
I shall remain faithful to my husband; be always favorable to him respectfully; shall never be hypocritical in my behavior towards him. I shall also make it a habit to follow his advice and instructions in letter and spirit promptly.

5- SUSHROOSHANAPARAA SWACHCHHAA. MADHURPRI YABHAASHINI.
PRATI JAANE BHAVISHYAAMI SATATAM SUKHADAAYINEE.
I shall cultivate virtues of selfless service, cleanliness, pleasantry and sweetconversation. On the other hand, I shall carefully avoid development of vices and bad habits like jealousy, nagging and grumbling. In this way, I shall always make my presence pleasurable.

6- MTI'AVYAYEN GAARHA STHYASANCHAALANE HI NITYADAA.
PRAYATISHYE CHA SOTSAAHAM, TAVA, AHAMANUGAAMMEE.
I shall manage domestics requirements by keeping the house-hold expenditure to a minimum. I shall avoid extravagance. In spite of my husband becoming financially or physically weak, I shall enthusiastically continue to follow disciplines of an ideal house-holder.

7- DEVASWAROOPO NAARINAM, BHARTAA BHAWATI MANAVAH.
MATVETITWAM BHAJISHYAMI, NIYATA JEEVANAA-VADHIM.
Regarding my husband as a representative of God, sent as a life-long companion, I shall overlook differences of opinion with him and remain active throughout my life in rendering services due of me. I shall never insult or ignore my husband publicly or privately.

8- POOJYAASTAVA PITARO YE, SHRADDHAYAA PARAMAA HI ME.
SEVAYAA TOSHAYISHYAAMI, TAANSADA VINAYEN CHA.
I shall always keep all those persons contented with my services and humility who are held in high esteem by my husband and are dear and near to him.

9- KADAAPI KWAAPI KIMAPI, KARISHYE NA PARANGMUKHEE.
PRATI JAANAAMI MAM CHA, TWAMEVA SARVAMEVA HI.
At all moments of life and under all circumstances, even on temporal estrangement, I shall continue to perform my duties towards my husband without expecting anything in return.

And herez something I found from smwhere and this sums all thatz in my heart...

In clear weather and in the fog,
when we’re online and on our blog,
I will love him through thick and thin,
no matter what state we’re in,
Through good and bad,
when glad or sad,
I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
I promise to love as best I can,
my husband, my friend, this handsome man!

Yes, I will love this man of mine, For now and forever till the end of time!

I do!

Meet Miss Mokshadayini ~*~

Sure, my readers are a couple of curious cats, who really want to know what happened in and after the much awaited "Meet" that I was talking about. Ok... not to beat around the bush, here is what happened... in one brief line -

He proposed love to me. I said "Yes". I proposed marriage to him. He said "Yes".

During this meet we very soon realized...what runs through us is the same damned feeling! We have a perfect frequency match here. Then why not spend the rest of our lives together getting to know more of each other. We are ready to bet our lives that it is going to be a joyful and lovely experience. There were days I was wondering about how all this worked!? But it really ain't that complicated when it came to me. Itz simple. You WILL know... trust me!

Seldom does a Knight in shining armor, comes to hold your hand. He did and he grabbed me by my waist. There is no way I'm leaving him!