The beginning of knowlege is the discovery of something we don't know - Frank Herbert
Have you, at any point of time, felt a chilling experience of becoming aware that you are seriously lacking knowledge of things that you should be on familar terms with? An unexpected realisation that you are incompetent and untaught to shoulder the role that you are supposed to be in? The lack of experience that makes you unprepared to face what lies ahead of you?
It's like fighting a war without arming yourself with any arsenal. You feel a deep unsettling sense of being belittled by a huge goliath that is about to trudge on top of your head. You are left feeling helpless and the only thing you do is to blame your lack of know-how to overcome the situation. Knowledge, as they said, is to be accquired. The lack of knowledge is what separates a successful man from others.
After attending the training here at LGS, I have to admit that it is a wake up call for me. I am slapped with the cold harsh reality that my knowledge in anything is jus inadequate to even consider myself as a qualified Engineer! ((Thuuu!)) There are many issues and topics discussed during the training that I'm not even aware of until now. True that my career has jus begun and I have absolutely nothing to hold onto in SAP (plz read esSeyPee). But to make things worse, the participant who is sitting next to me has a one n half yr ABAP knowledge behind his back. The fact that he is earning so less than what I am, after all that he knows made me feel that I don't deserve to be sitting where I am.
Yes, I am facing the horrible truth here. Despite being lucky to get a job in my hometown, I feel I'm only chosen because of that big TAG that hangs on my resume. But luck has only managed to get me to as far as where I am now. The short cut route that I have taken in my career path has started to rear its ugly head at me as the clear lack of experience is making me feel doubtful whether I am worthy of as a Software Engineer.
Perhaps I am putting an unbelivably high expectation on myself. I want to be on par with the other participant with his equal share of knowledge. I guess I hate to think that I am left behind in the rat race. However, with each passing day, I am beginning to wonder whether I am in the right career and moving in right momentum. This question is posing a big obstacle for me to climb over for now. And I have yet to do so. The way I tend to digress from work is also another tell tale sign that I seriously need to evaluate where I am going from here. Sometimes I tend to wonder how a person can work in the same job, in the same company for donkey years.
Oh well, on the brighter note I guess I should appreciate what I have in my life at the moment. At least I got a career going, a car to whiz me around and a house in case I need to move out. That's not too bad for a person of my age. Still, there is a niggling feeling that I should buck up and do something with my career at the moment. How I wish I could have a crystal ball to see what lies ahead in my life. Sigh... That's not helping much but at least I do feel better knowing where my destiny lies tomorrow.
The EDGE
